Find a degree, not Luther love

Lily Kime, A&E Editor

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I vividly remember my orientation experience here at Luther College. It was a horrible and wonderful experience of finding myself in a completely new situation that I had not been able to fully picture a year before. For the most part, I believe that the orientation process here at Luther is effective (if not long-winded). That being said, there is one part of the process that was not likely scripted, but was said anyway and continues to stick with me to this day.

Among your classmates you may find your future spouse,” one well-meaning but misguided orientation leader said.

Two years later, I still think about that. At the time, that piece of information gave me a glimmer of hope and a healthy dose of doubt. Two years later, I am no closer to getting an engagement ring than I am to an Olympic medal in swimming. Two years later, I think I have fully collected my thoughts on that statement and am ready to respond.

First, I would just like to wish the best for people who have found their future significant others while in college. Don’t let anything else I say dissuade you from believing the truth of that.

Now back to my opinions. It is a quaint and rather convenient thought that we will all find our spouses in any one of our classes, but the chance of that is so slim that it floats away on a slight breeze. Yeah, it would be lovely to find love at first sight with some person four rows ahead of you at the Paidea lecture that is so distracted by your good looks that they forget to ask if anyone actually read what they were supposed to before going to the lecture. The first year of college is an odd adjustment period for everyone. Maybe if you found that love, you would learn too much about that person, like how they thought it was perfectly socially acceptable to call an inflatable futon a bed. Or a futon for that matter.

Maybe sophomore year is a better time to discover that significant other. But on the other hand, sophomores are discovering all of this newfound freedom that comes with being a whopping one year older. They are a rather enthusiastic bunch, but I’m not sure you want to have a love connection with that one person who has counted exactly how many steps it takes for them to get from their room to Scoes. Let’s perhaps allow that person to mature into a junior before trying to get a ring on the finger.

Trying to find your future spouse as a junior? You had better hope that you have some general education requirements to fulfill, or hopefully that one love is in your major because unless you’re in a sport or a really tight-knit ensemble, you may never see that person again. People you knew first year sort of disappear when you have different majors. Sometimes you’ll see them in the Caf, but if you try to talk to them there, you’re just the jerk that stands and talks right in everyone’s way. Surely senior year will help bring the two lovebirds together!

From what I can tell, seniors just want to sleep. No, not sleep with somebody. Just sleep. The average senior seems to fill their 24 hours a day with approximately 42 hours worth of stuff, so unless you want to get to know each other’s hobbies and interests through subconscious conversations, this could be a challenge.

All attempts at humor aside, repeatedly telling first-years that they may find their significant others in college is fine, but should not be taught as some archaic priority. A person’s relationship status does not make them more or less hirable. I am attending Luther College with the goal of earning a degree, not a ring.

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